How much do you worry or regret past decisions? Want to let go of them today? Here’s a quick tip on a method that works for me.
I used to be a compulsive ruminator, always beating myself up for past mistakes and regrets.
I didn’t know me and my thoughts could be separate; that I could choose to think / believe / mental chatter whatever I want.
I needed to clean up my mindsets.
Discovering this was huge for me.
Applying it was harder and took time and patience, but changed my life and demolished much of my depression.
Here’s the method I applied (and still apply) :
- Notice the thoughts & ask whether you want to keep them. Are they serving or supporting you?
- Introduce a ‘Hero Self’ that stands next to you in your mind. This friend is firm but kind, and can be anyone – real or not.
- Whenever the old worry / regret thought comes to bully you, have Hero self stop them and ask ‘Is this useful? Helpful? Supportive?’
Repeat as much as needed to shift away from old habit mindsets and develop new supportive ones!
Important to note :
In the beginning the worry / regret thought may be extremely persistent or constant.
It may harass and try to persuade you to let it what it usually does; make you indulge / allow it on its usual path.
Keep repeating the Hero Self questions as relentlessly as the worry / regret thought persists.
This may be surprisingly often.
Keep it up, and over time the Hero Self will develop and eventually become stronger than the worry / regret thought.
Also important is treat BOTH sides with love – the worry / regret thought is only trying to do what it thinks is best to keep you safe somehow. Even if its methods aren’t supportive.
So send it off to the quiet chair, and let it know you love and welcome any contributions that are useful, helpful, or supportive.
If it’s ever needed, that memory is there. But we don’t need to play it as a broken record every day.
We’ll remember it if / when we need it.
Practice this in your life, and I hope it brings you as much liberation as it brought me.
Video of this topic below!
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Cherokee parable
There are two wolves fighting inside us.
Which one wins?
The one you feed.